Disappointments

Have you ever felt disappointed about yourself for not doing the things you should back then?

Have you ever felt used by the society or worse of all, the people whom you call friends?

Has the word regret ran through you like a speeding train because you didn't said those few words like "I'm sorry" or "I Love You" to your love ones?

I have.

Looking back at the past and especially recently, conscience actually made me realise that there's a lot of things I could've done to change my life utterly. Albeit there's certain events that's beyond my control, there are still chances for me to avoid it. Yet I still chose to face it. Being terribly regretful is the feeling I'm going through now.

One of the many things I've regretted is not saying those few words to the people whom I concern. To my dad easpecially, I wish I was a better son back then. It wasn't till recently where I realised how much you have actually stood up for me. But in return, I choose to back up against you.

To many of the boys out there, I'm quite certain that there was a girl sometime then which you have secretly loved. All the time spent with the person, the movies, the long chats, and the laughs about the silly things you have done, seem so instant. Yet you are silence by the beauty of her character, and the fear of harming a person's future because you felt your's was comparibly poor. I've been there, done that (Not the most fanciful way of using this phrase). Unfortunately, my confidence threshold is rather low which contradicts to what most of you guys think. I wish I could be that smooth talker like anybody else. Too many times I get caught up with my own words. That's why I will never ever be a public speaker nor even try to be one. Thinking of the crowd I'm facing just gives me the jitters.

Sometimes it's pretty difficult for people to understand me, when I myself is still trying to comprehend my personality. Friends are one of the things that comes at the top of my list, and it may be the bottom too. See I have trouble trusting people ever since I was brought to this very world. Too many times I've been hurted and until now, I couldn't be bothered much about it. 
You can say that it is like a numb feeling to me now. Ocassionally, I would see people walking into my life when they need me for a job or to benefit them. It's so fucking obvious because that's the only time they actually look for you, and they leave, just like the wind. Now it seems like we're some convenient store to them where they just come and go. Hey, do I look like fucking Walmart to you? So at times I get into situations like this, I loose friends. Well, that's not the worse yet. I can't face it when MY friends get taken advantage of instead. The thing is assholes like this cant act well enough to cover up their intentions. Two-faced people you call them, yes. Well, many can say that, " If it doesn't affect you, why putting yourself in this shithole?". See, I appreciate friendships and I stand up for them if I have to, despite the consequences. Some things are worth fighting for. Definitely there are better ways to mitigate the problem, but it's just the way I deal with it.

Regardless of what, such occurance doesn't dampen me. Take it as a source to strengthen your life, your soul, and your spirit, Tommy.

“Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.”  -Eliza Tabor